Sixty Plus Years of Incompatibility
By Pat Bubash, M.Ed , Licensed Professional Counselor
Would one describe a marriage of 67 years as one, which exemplifies “compatibility”? I would guess that most people when presented with this question would without hesitation respond with, “of course”! And, in most situations, it would be accurate. But, I have encountered, and in a very personal way, an opposite opinion of this question. This personal situation happens to exist in my own family-my very long time married parents!
My sisters and I have often shard a desire to write our parents’ story. Desiring to do so is the easy part, actually sitting down and writing is the hard part. My parents, do, indeed, have a love story of many decades. Their story may be very similar to that of your parents. I am guessing that if you are reading 50PlusSt.Louis(a good read!) that you may very well have parents such as mine who married during the years of World War 11.
During those years of war, many young couples married right out of high school, or not, like my mother and dad. My dad had been orphaned by the age of 11. Fortunately for him, a very kind generous family came to his rescue. He lived with them until his enlistment in the Navy. My mother, the only girl in a family of 8 brothers, was two months short of finishing high school. A cocky, yet charming, sensitive young man had entered her world. Less than two months later, they eloped with only the clothes on their back. Three weeks later, her husband was overseas.
During the next two decades, there were frequent moves, and frequent separations for the couple that married as young teens. Every three years, my dad would serve a long nine months onboard a ship in the Pacific. My mom was one of many “single” parents who stayed behind to maintain the household. As difficult as that was, the adjustment of having “dad/husband” home after nine months of absence, created its own trials and tribulations. Once again there was a man of the house in place. I was a “mature” adult before I came to an understanding of how trying those years were for all of us.
With all this history, how surprising how shocking was the following scenario:
My husband and I traveled to my parent’s home in southern Missouri to celebrate their 66th anniversary. As we sat there, eating breakfast, my little feisty Irish dad, looks up from his plate to say quite unexpectedly, “You know we really are incompatible”! My husband and my mother, plus myself! were speechless. How could you respond to that revelation!
Finally, gaining my thought processes back, I responded, “ well, you know what, dad, my sisters and I are just too old to be the children of divorced parents. So you are just going to have to stick it out”!
Since that day, another year has been added to the number of married years, now it is 67 years, and we are all hoping for next year, and then, hopefully, a 75th anniversary. But, I have thought many times about my dad’s comment- truth is, in today’s world, they probably would be divorced. They are so very different personalities, but in the era they shared, commitment, respect, loyalty, and we are in this “until death do us part” was the promise of marriage.
So, back to the question: is it incompatibility or not? Whatever it is, it has worked for them.
About the Author - Patricia Bubash M.Ed is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Missouri and the author of "Successful Second Marriages" For more information or to contact Pratricia visit www.successfulsecondmarriages.com