Grandparents in Transition
By Pat Bubash, M.Ed , Licensed Professional Counselor
The word,” transition” evokes many scenes: changing jobs, moving into a new home, a couple’s first child or fifth! learning a new skill, marriage, divorce, death, and the first year of college. This last example is the newest transition for my husband and me. No, we are not going to college, but our grandsons are. They are twins, which means double the transition. It is an exciting, but, also, stressful time for the boys turning into men. A plethora of decisions and choices to be made: life-changing times.
Amidst these transitioning times for all family members, no one is aware that I am experiencing an emotionally challenging time of transition of my own; the acceptance of my grandsons moving on and away. When did those chubby, apple cheek, weeble wobble little guys in oversized denim jackets disappear? What happened to their excitement in coming to “maw maw’s for all nighter? There is no more loading up the car with junk food, and movies for a weekend at the lake. No more lying in bed searching for the missing items in the Hightlights seek and search page. Our house was the happening place on Saturday night! That philosophy changed a few years ago with the onset of teen hood. I was able to roll with that, accepting that it was all part of the growing up, but not yet, away. They were still in town, and we could pick up a lunch date now and then, find out what was going on in their busy world.
At every age, even now, it has always been a clenching of my heart in love and pride at the sight of them. Now the two young men who provided so much entertainment, pleasure, and love for us, are physically leaving to go to college. And, I think it is really wrong to once again be reliving the life of an empty nester. Once is enough. The first time with their mother, and their aunts was a tough transition. Maybe not quite as painful when I recall the arduous task of parenting alone. Truthfully, it was almost a relief when they moved on to college! I missed them, but t=hose teen years were exhausting with the three of them, only a year apart. And, of course, at that time, I could look forward to “being” a grandparent.
The role of a grandparent has a specialness to it, beyond the first role as a parent. As the old saying goes, we can enjoy them, spoil them, and send them home! I can say without hesitation, I have enjoyed grand parenting thoroughly, and only wish that it had lasted a little longer. It has always been surprising and incomprehensible to me the couples I know who prefer to have their own life, not inclined to “baby sit” grandchildren. Their motto, “they are not my children. Let their parents take care of them”. A time comes to my mind when my husband and I had the four grandchildren in our pontoon boat at the lake. It was a perfect July lake day. The four of them were all vying to drive the boat. Each one making it known with a high-pitched refrain, “it is my turn”, answered by a bleating cry of, “no, it is MY turn”. I looked around at the other boaters. Every boat contained “like” aged people, tipping wine glasses, waving at each other, enjoying the peacefulness of the day- childless!
Later that evening when all the urchins were put to bed, probably dreaming of being the only “captain” of the ship, my husband turned to me, and said, “This was one of the best days of my life”! I agreed. It didn’t matter that it got a little chaotic, a little annoying, and a little loud, we loved having them. The day was more fun because of them.
As out of town college students, we will find ourselves second in line for the lines of communication. Their parents will be first in line, for calls, visits, and, simply, keeping in touch. . As it should be, -, they are the parents- the ones who conceived them, and moreover, provided the basic needs: food, shelter, clothing, and discipline for the past 18 years. I do understand, and I agree with it, but I have already begun my grieving process – knowing that August 25th will come much sooner than I would like. I will, once, again, be an empty nester.
About the Author - Patricia Bubash M.Ed is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Missouri and the author of "Successful Second Marriages" For more information or to contact Pratricia visit
www.successfulsecondmarriages.com