Grandfamilies: Resources for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

By Jim MIller

Across the U.S., more than 2.4 million grandparents are raising their grandchildren, as the parents struggle with a variety of serious problems such as drug or alcohol addiction, financial hardship, mental illness, prison time, domestic violence, divorce and more.

 

While there are many financial, legal and even emotional issues to think about when you begin to raise a grandchild, you’ll be happy to know that help is available. Here are some tips and resources along with supportive services to check into.

 

For grandparents raising grandchildren, support groups are fantastic tools to connect you with other people who understand what you’re experiencing, not to mention it gives you a chance to learn and share information and resources. To find local and online support groups, visit the AARP Foundation Grandparent Information Center at www.giclocalsupport.org where you can do a search by city or zip code.

 

Raising or taking care of grandkids can be a major strain on the pocketbook, but financial assistance is available depending on your circumstances. For starters, find out whether your grandchild or family qualifies for Social Security (www.ssa.gov/kids/parent5.htm), your state’s Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program (www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/ofa) or food stamps (www.fns.usda.gov/fsp). Also visit www.benefitscheckup.org, a comprehensive Web resource that helps you search for additional government and private benefits you may be eligible for, such as supplemental income, lower energy bills, discounts on prescription medications and more.

 

Grandparents who are raising children may also be eligible for tax credits like the Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC), which is available to those with low or moderate incomes. If you make too much money to qualify for the EITC, you may be able to apply for the Child Tax Credit. And if you’re raising three or more kids, you can try for the Additional Child Tax Credit. Also available is the Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit to families who incur child care expenditures in order to work. To learn more, visit www.irs.gov or call the IRS helpline at 800-829-1040.

 

Ask a family law attorney to help you determine whether or not it would be beneficial for you to become your grandchild’s legal guardian. This status will allow you to make important decisions for the child such as enrolling them in school (some states require it), or giving a doctor permission to treat them.For help finding legal advice or locating an attorney visit www.findlegalhelp.org, a consumers guide created by the American Bar Association that can also help you locate free legal services depending on your income.

 

If you need health insurance for your grandchildren, you can apply for free or low-cost health insurance (depending on your income level) through your state government. To learn more and find out if you’re eligible go to www.insurekidsnow.gov, or call 877-543-7669. You also may be able to get help through Medicaid. Also visit the National Association of Insurance Commissioners Web site at www.insureuonline.org – click on “Raising Grandchildren,” for tips and information on a variety of other insurance considerations. 

 

Savvy Tip: The best overall resource for grandparents raising grandchildren is AARP (www.aarp.org/family/grandparenting), which offers a bevy of articles and helpful information including a GrandCare tool kit.
 

By Pat Bubash, M.Ed , Licensed Professional Counselor
The word,” transition” evokes many scenes: changing jobs, moving into a new home, a couple’s first child or fifth! learning a new skill, marriage, divorce, death, and the first year of college. This last example is the newest transition for my husband and me.   No, we are not going to college, but our grandsons are.   They are twins, which means double the transition. It is an exciting, but, also, stressful time for the boys turning into men.   A plethora of decisions and choices to be made: life-changing times.  

Amidst these transitioning times for all family members, no one is aware that I am experiencing an emotionally challenging time of transition of my own; the acceptance of my grandsons moving on and away. When did those chubby, apple cheek, weeble wobble little guys in oversized denim jackets disappear? What happened to their excitement in coming to “maw maw’s for all nighter? There is no more loading up the car with junk food, and movies for a weekend at the lake.    No more lying in bed searching for the missing items in the Hightlights seek and search page. Our house was the happening place on Saturday night!   That philosophy changed a few years ago with the onset of teen hood.   I was able to roll with that, accepting that it was all part of the growing up, but not yet, away. They were still in town, and we could pick up a lunch date now and then, find out what was going on in their busy world.

At every age, even now, it has always been a clenching of my heart in love and pride at the sight of them.    Now the two young men who provided so much entertainment, pleasure, and love for us, are physically leaving to go to college.   And, I think it is really wrong to once again be reliving the life of an empty nester.   Once is enough. The first time with their mother, and their aunts was a tough transition.   Maybe not quite as painful when I recall the arduous task of parenting alone. Truthfully, it was almost a relief when they moved on to college!   I missed them, but t=hose teen years were exhausting with the three of them, only a year apart. And, of course, at that time, I could look forward to “being” a grandparent.

 

The role of a grandparent has a specialness to it, beyond the first role as a parent. As the old saying goes, we can enjoy them, spoil them, and send them home!   I can say without hesitation, I have enjoyed grand parenting thoroughly, and only wish that it had lasted a little longer. It has always been surprising and incomprehensible to me the couples I know who prefer to have their own life, not inclined to “baby sit” grandchildren. Their motto, “they are not my children. Let their parents take care of them”. A time comes to my mind when my husband and I had the four grandchildren in our pontoon boat at the lake. It was a perfect July lake day. The four of them were all vying to drive the boat. Each one making it known with a high-pitched refrain, “it is my turn”, answered by a bleating cry of, “no, it is MY turn”.  I looked around at the other boaters. Every boat contained “like” aged people, tipping wine glasses, waving at each other, enjoying the peacefulness of the day- childless! 

 

Later that evening when all the urchins were put to bed, probably dreaming of being the only “captain” of the ship, my husband turned to me, and said, “This was one of the best days of my life”!   I agreed. It didn’t matter that it got a little chaotic, a little annoying, and a little loud, we loved having them. The day was more fun because of them.

 

As out of town college students, we will find ourselves second in line for the lines of communication. Their parents will be first in line, for calls, visits, and, simply, keeping in touch. . As it should be, -, they are the parents- the ones who conceived them, and moreover, provided the basic needs: food, shelter, clothing, and discipline for the past 18 years. I do understand, and I agree with it, but I have already begun my grieving process – knowing that August 25^th will come much sooner than I would like. I will, once, again, be an empty nester.